After reading this one, I do strongly believe what I have always felt, that we must be soul mates😂. Cos what in the name of same same. For the last 2 years this has been my absolute secret to a life on my own terms. When I started journaling like this I thought it was my mind making it up, but with every answer that works, it built my confidence to know there is a deep knowing speaking to me from inside me. It absolutely works magic and I am so glad to know I am not crazy and not the only one.😀. Thank you for sharing your magic as always.
Your name is my grandma name and she passed along time ago…I constantly think of her and my grandpa I lost. They were two souls that loved more than anyone I meet. They helped everyone regardless of who or where they came from. Throughout my life I think of them a strive to be that love in this world. I’m a huge empath and of course trauma has been a part of my life. I’ve never felt like a victim of these traumas but more so questioned why there was pain coming from others to cause it. Often feeling more for the ones causing it then for my own safety. I do not regret anything I’ve done but I do see how I’ve allowed these behaviours a that wasn’t helping anyone. I’ve found myself in a position where I have a small child and unhealthy relationship where I do not have anything an a lot of debt and my partner has means but threatens to use those means to take my child away if I try to leave. The fear I’ve always chosen to listen to has not served me. I am making a safety plan for myself and child to get out. It’s a lot more complicated than even that. Small town those you would seek shelter with on these things are connected to my partner and I cannot put myself at risk of letting them know incase my partner is notified. Then I also have the feeling of, if he only gets help and works on himself my child doesn’t need to lose. In a world that walks away so quickly and doesn’t support reach other and am I not supposed to support my partner. Do I kick him out of home and do counseling by force to him and see the changes hopefully and then we will live happily ever after. Am I kidding myself? No one can answer that because the only person who changes is those looking to change themselves for themselves. I truly see that now because of the years I’ve been here supporting and asking for change. So I’ve been searching…sneaking away to see old friends I haven’t been able to stay in contact with because they weren’t good for me. Seeking comfort in their presence and hearing their love for me has encouraged me to keep going. Keep searching for peace that will serve me. No money but debt no family close an if I fled to family I’d be leaving everything behind and I would be in family who also think telling me how and what to do. They love me but I’ve never appreciated their criticism and judgement an kills my soul when I stay to long as it’s all fear there to. Why don’t you do this your not doing enough and on and on. Do I change one unhealthy position for another? Then I think if I move a little away but I love the freedom I felt when I first came here and it lifted me so much. Maybe I can find that again. And my home I’m in when I’m in it alone feels so comforting. But is that because it’s all I’ve known for many years now? And what will my friends and family think now I’ve told them what really has been happening if I stay in this area? What will his family and friends think if I kick him out an take over the house on my own? Will I be shamed more when I see them uptown? What will happen to my son when he still has such close contact? But I’m tired of running an leaving things behind to have to rebuild an start over from scratch. I don’t need to run anymore do I? Am I going to hurt my son by leaving to far away? He loves his daddy so much and I do not want to hurt him? I want to do what is right for him. I would do anything to make sure he is happy and loved. All these questions and so many others going back and forth. Friday was the first time I admitted out loud to family how bad it’s been. They knew certain things but not all. They were surprised and not surprised. Surprised it had gotten this bad but also not. So because it’s new for me to admit out loud it’s still fresh and donating for me. I know I cannot live like this anymore. But how I want to make my next step is the one I am struggling with. And I am searching for answers for. Then I came across this and I have to say is thank you. This is helping me. I’ve just started to do what you have said. I do t know yet what way I will go but it is helping take the burden I’ve placed on myself. I have to be careful with this journal to make sure it’s not found. I think I’ll take pictures of it an email it and burn the pages afterwards. But it is helping me feel lighter by taking these thoughts out of my mind and onto paper. And I find myself having a kinder conversation with myself then when I only sit an think. Thank you Eva. To have this here for anyone to find and not pay is so huge. You are a light in the world that makes me happy to see there is still so much love and kindness out there.
After reading this one, I do strongly believe what I have always felt, that we must be soul mates😂. Cos what in the name of same same. For the last 2 years this has been my absolute secret to a life on my own terms. When I started journaling like this I thought it was my mind making it up, but with every answer that works, it built my confidence to know there is a deep knowing speaking to me from inside me. It absolutely works magic and I am so glad to know I am not crazy and not the only one.😀. Thank you for sharing your magic as always.
Your name is my grandma name and she passed along time ago…I constantly think of her and my grandpa I lost. They were two souls that loved more than anyone I meet. They helped everyone regardless of who or where they came from. Throughout my life I think of them a strive to be that love in this world. I’m a huge empath and of course trauma has been a part of my life. I’ve never felt like a victim of these traumas but more so questioned why there was pain coming from others to cause it. Often feeling more for the ones causing it then for my own safety. I do not regret anything I’ve done but I do see how I’ve allowed these behaviours a that wasn’t helping anyone. I’ve found myself in a position where I have a small child and unhealthy relationship where I do not have anything an a lot of debt and my partner has means but threatens to use those means to take my child away if I try to leave. The fear I’ve always chosen to listen to has not served me. I am making a safety plan for myself and child to get out. It’s a lot more complicated than even that. Small town those you would seek shelter with on these things are connected to my partner and I cannot put myself at risk of letting them know incase my partner is notified. Then I also have the feeling of, if he only gets help and works on himself my child doesn’t need to lose. In a world that walks away so quickly and doesn’t support reach other and am I not supposed to support my partner. Do I kick him out of home and do counseling by force to him and see the changes hopefully and then we will live happily ever after. Am I kidding myself? No one can answer that because the only person who changes is those looking to change themselves for themselves. I truly see that now because of the years I’ve been here supporting and asking for change. So I’ve been searching…sneaking away to see old friends I haven’t been able to stay in contact with because they weren’t good for me. Seeking comfort in their presence and hearing their love for me has encouraged me to keep going. Keep searching for peace that will serve me. No money but debt no family close an if I fled to family I’d be leaving everything behind and I would be in family who also think telling me how and what to do. They love me but I’ve never appreciated their criticism and judgement an kills my soul when I stay to long as it’s all fear there to. Why don’t you do this your not doing enough and on and on. Do I change one unhealthy position for another? Then I think if I move a little away but I love the freedom I felt when I first came here and it lifted me so much. Maybe I can find that again. And my home I’m in when I’m in it alone feels so comforting. But is that because it’s all I’ve known for many years now? And what will my friends and family think now I’ve told them what really has been happening if I stay in this area? What will his family and friends think if I kick him out an take over the house on my own? Will I be shamed more when I see them uptown? What will happen to my son when he still has such close contact? But I’m tired of running an leaving things behind to have to rebuild an start over from scratch. I don’t need to run anymore do I? Am I going to hurt my son by leaving to far away? He loves his daddy so much and I do not want to hurt him? I want to do what is right for him. I would do anything to make sure he is happy and loved. All these questions and so many others going back and forth. Friday was the first time I admitted out loud to family how bad it’s been. They knew certain things but not all. They were surprised and not surprised. Surprised it had gotten this bad but also not. So because it’s new for me to admit out loud it’s still fresh and donating for me. I know I cannot live like this anymore. But how I want to make my next step is the one I am struggling with. And I am searching for answers for. Then I came across this and I have to say is thank you. This is helping me. I’ve just started to do what you have said. I do t know yet what way I will go but it is helping take the burden I’ve placed on myself. I have to be careful with this journal to make sure it’s not found. I think I’ll take pictures of it an email it and burn the pages afterwards. But it is helping me feel lighter by taking these thoughts out of my mind and onto paper. And I find myself having a kinder conversation with myself then when I only sit an think. Thank you Eva. To have this here for anyone to find and not pay is so huge. You are a light in the world that makes me happy to see there is still so much love and kindness out there.
Nice one
I always fall out of journaling. I think it is because I have a hard time sitting with myself because I am afraid of what I will uncover when I do.
But then again, it is a never-ending process of finding oneself.
This Q&A model is going to be a game-changer for me.
Thank you again.
You are such a Rockstar!
Whole lot of sense...
Thanks for that piece..Eva ❤️
I journal every once in a while but this is a call for more. Thank you for this, Eva.
Thank you mama ❤️, this sounds great, I am going to give it a try.
Thank you so much, Eva, for this! This might just be the answer to "the how" of what I need to do.