After spending a long time away from my music, the hardest blow was realizing I was no longer as “dope’ as I thought I was.
In the past, I prided myself in how skilled I was as a poet and rapper.
I had no doubts that I had the skill. But after years of not practicing, not listening to music, and not honing my skills, I wasn’t half as good as I was anymore.
Well, naturally, this was expected, right? For me, it stung my ego a little too much, and for a long time, the fear held me back from doing anything at all.
But all of that is ego.
As I began to create music again, I decided to simply trust myself. And trust the music.
I learned that it wasn’t my music, it is music expressed through me. I have nothing to claim. I am only the vessel through which the music is expressed.
The music comes from me but it is not me.
I can meld with it, play with it, and have a relationship with it, but the music itself is its own entity.
A Spirit moving vibrationally.
This was one of those - “I didn’t plan to record any song today but let’s do it” moments.
I was meeting the producer for the first time. We literally said “Hi” to each other and he asked if I’d like to hear some of his work.
When he played this beat, I was immediately sold! I said, “Okay lemme see what I can do with this, we are here now”, and I got to work writing the lyrics.,
Except, the lyrics wouldn’t come.
I remember it like it was yesterday. There I was, old mama Eva, neck craned scribbling on my notepad, surrounded by young men with hustle in their blood, and I couldn’t get any lyrics out.
I must have been neck-deep for more than an hour before the first sensible words began to form.
When I finally got the verses out of me, seeing as they flowed like water effortlessly after I had tried so hard, I knew.
I knew that all I had to do was be a vessel for this music.
I have so much work to do to develop myself as an artist going forward and I’m looking forward to all the things. But through this year, I simply decided to go to the music and be its slave.
I allowed it to come forth however it wanted, without me judging, questioning, getting confused, none of that shit. I had done that for many years and it led me nowhere.
People of the world expect you to be the same.
They idolize those parts of you that they are used to and never want to see any changes. Life doesn’t work like that now does it?
Each new day we experience, we are a completely changed configuration of who we used to be. We are changing every minute.
I am not the same person I once was. I have changed a lot and so have you.
This song is my answer to anyone, including the voice in my head, when they expect me to be the same. If it’s not the same then it’s not the same.
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